Thursday, April 30, 2009

But anyone can practice justice without ethics?

I saw this post at Mike MURPHY's blog.   Good work Mike!
The Regina Leader Post REGINA SK by Jana G. Pruden - April 27, 2009

A Saskatchewan man has been accused of providing legal advice for money despite the fact that he is not a lawyer. Blaine Collins is facing the offence under the Legal Profession Act, which bars people who are not lawyers from giving legal advice or preparing court documents for fees. Collins pleaded guilty to the same offence in 2006, after a man paid him $1,000 to draft divorce papers. Collins received a $1,000 fine.

According to court documents, the new offence is alleged to have occurred between February 2008 and February 2009 at Regina Beach.  Tim Huber, who is prosecuting the case on behalf of the Law Society of Saskatchewan, said the complaint came from a member of the public and also relates to a family law issue.  A second conviction is punishable with a fine of up to $5,000.The case is slated to be in court again on June 1. 

Collins has previously been identified in the media as the Saskatchewan representative of the National Shared Parenting Association.   In the past, he has vocally questioned some aspects of the Canadian family court system and, in particular, men's rights in custody disputes.  He once sued the Saskatchewan and federal governments alleging certain family laws violate the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.  A 2002 story in the Ottawa Citizen said Collins has some training as a paralegal.  Huber said practicing law without a license is problematic for a number of reasons, including that the person is not insured, not regulated, and is not governed by any ethical or professional oversight.

This is totally in character with Saskatchewan justice practices.  It has a long history of such legal "harassment".  The best come back I heard was from Sheila STEELE's 1 (old, now cobwebbed) site
 "I would never stoop to practice law without a license, but I have practiced justice my whole life."
1)  Ms STEELE died of cancer in 2006 but some of the site works is still maintained by her son Kevin STEELE


April 26, Global Vancouver clip.  

Adam Cunningham died - 4weeks after being viciously assaulted by his wife Elie - of complications of his surgery from the wounds he received.   He was assaulted with a broken wine glass, received several deep puncture wounds to his  hands and legs and broke his ankle (trying to escape down the stairs?).  He was treated at hospital and moved into his mothers home and got a restraining order. His wife, Elie was charged with Domestic Assault.

His sister, Nikki Cunningham was dumbfounded at the attack but more distressed that his spouse may now go free as Adam, the only witness, is now dead.  That was the most recent advice of the crown prosecutor.

A friend of Adam, John Wynstra describes how absolutely terrified Adam was of his spouse.  John said he found it hard to understand how his former friend, "a big guy", was afraid but realized that it was an honest fear.

Next court appearance is May 15.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sex Selection - China vs. Immigrant communities in Canada

This article in the NYTimes highlights a study in the British Medical Journal that projects how social engineering in China (decades old "One Child" policies) continue to encourage couples to abort female fetuses in favour of male children.  They speculate that the male/female imbalance for U20 population (admittedly only based on a small 1% sample of the population) is 32 million boys.

The normal male/female sex ratio of births is 103-107:100.   Due to males higher mortality rates this tends to lead to a balanced 1:1 ratio during the key reproductive ages.   In some areas of China that still practice a "one child" polic, the sex ratio deviates from this in favour of boys as much as 126:100 for first births to 146:100 for second births.    The NYT article goes on to note that such extremes have existed elswhere - such as South Korea in the 1990's - but have now been addressed and ratios are back to normal.   China has recently begun another public campaign to encourage couples to be nice to their daughters. 

In this article at the (online) Western Standard, Andrea MROZEK did some research on the sex ratio's in high concentration immigrant communties across the country and found some evidence of "sex selection" having taken place, as m/f ratios were 112:100.  MROZEK goes on to quote Joyce Arthur, spokeswoman for the pro-choice Abortion Rights Coalition of Canada, that there are no reasons to reject "a womens rights to choose" - even if she seeks to terminate a pregnancy because the fetus has been diagnosed with a genetic disorder, or even because it's a product of rape, or she want to select the sex of their fetus.    There is a sad irony that in defending a womens right to choose, they may choose a to have a boy over a girl.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Male Bashing - is it harmless?

I append this remarkable article I came across despite its date (1998!) and source (Christian Women Daily) I think it has a great deal to recommend it. It is also valid for men.

One icy winter morning I drove to work burning with irritation toward my husband. As I hung up my coat, I fervently enumerated the details of his latest blunder to a captivated audience of my female coworkers. Someone quipped, "Testosterone!" as cheers of affirmation flooded the room. I strode to my office vindicated and understood.

That afternoon, laughter spilled from the lunchroom as my friends mischievously brainstormed self-improvement classes for men such as "Laundry 101—Sorting Silks and Socks," "Hunting 302—The Art of Finding Things," and "Navigation techniques—A Short Course in Asking Directions." As I joined them, a cartoon of a woman on her knees praying, "Thank you, Lord, for my two X chromosomes," also made the rounds. I laughed so hard I cried.

Gender differences are fertile ground for humor, and few of us would deny that a healthy dose of humor can ease exasperation. When your husband stands in the light of a gaping refrigerator yelling because he can't find the mustard that's in front of his nose, it helps to be able to laugh. But our jokes deviate from tasteful wit into male bashing when they capitalize on failures and exploit weaknesses, pitting the genders against each other.

Although husbands are primary targets, all men are vulnerable. Fathers, supervisors, pastors, brothers, uncles, and the driver beside you on the highway, are all fair game. And the setting is wherever women gather: the workplace, the salon, the little league bench, and yes, dare I admit it, even the church.

Several years ago, at a Christian women's retreat I attended, a discussion about the differences between men and women deteriorated into scathing stories about the inadequacies of men. Over bowls of popcorn and mugs of chocolate, we recklessly devalued most men we knew until a visitor commented, "Wow! I was afraid you'd all be into that submission thing! Am I glad to know you're open-minded. You know, I often wonder if God is a woman. It makes sense if you really think about it. Men are such imbeciles."

My heart stung with conviction. Although I knew men didn't appreciate being the targets of critical humor, I assumed male bashing between women was harmless. But the Lord began to show me how it hurts both myself and others. Here's how.

Male bashing distorts our view of men. I didn't realize how much I'd bought into negative stereotypes about men until one day, early in my marriage, when my husband, George, returned home in the midst of my annual holiday cookie
baking. I thought to myself, Watch, just like a man, he won't help a bit, but he'll be happy to eat the goods. Much to my surprise, he eagerly joined in, recalling fond memories of making sandtarts with his grandmother. Since then, he's become our family's chief Christmas cookie baker.

Male bashing negatively affects our friends. Leslie desired a family but at thirty-four was still single. Her struggles with difficult male coworkers left her fearful she could never live with a man. She and I often commiserated over tea in the cafeteria. Although we enjoyed the camaraderie, I began to see that I was helping to solidify her fears.

Male bashing threatens our relationships with men. Because it's essentially gossip, male bashing undermines trust—the foundation of relationships—and makes it difficult for men to be vulnerable. Jeff, a church friend, once admitted to me that he avoided committees on which a particular woman served because she often used her husband's weaknesses as amusing anecdotes. "If she talks like that about him," he confided, "what might she say about me?"

Male bashing hurts our children. Initially, I was amused to hear my five-year-old son tell a baby sitter we have four children in our family: himself, his brother, his sister, and his father. But I was embarrassed when I later learned he'd merely repeated my own words. As my son and I talked, he asked me, "Mommy, what do you say about me? " I realized when my children hear me belittle their father, they question their own security. After all, if someone as powerful as Daddy is vulnerable to such disregard, aren't they also?

Male bashing distorts our view of God. In 1995, as I battled ovarian cancer, I was forced to examine my deepest beliefs about God. I desperately needed to understand his character and his nature. God created us in his image, male and female. Whenever we recklessly criticize someone based on gender, we inevitably insult our Creator as well. Such carelessness erodes our appreciation of his character and thus our ability to trust him. I came to a place in my life where I couldn't allow anything to interfere with that trust. When I saw that male bashing did, it had to go!

Although I still catch myself slipping at times, the following steps have helped me curb my tongue:

Give it to God: By confessing my weakness to God, I was released from its power over me. Although to some friends it seemed like a trivial issue, I wanted its power in my life broken, so I shared my struggle with supportive friends, asking them to pray for me and with me. Going to God gave me grace; going public made me accountable.

Walk a mile in his shoes: I now make it a point to imagine situations from a man's viewpoint. This habit was driven home recently when I wound up stuck in a doorway with a coworker. He and I were walking into a building on our way to a meeting when he paused, debating if he should open the door for me. After an awkward shuffle, we ended up sandwiched in the middle. Later he confessed that while he prefers to hold a door for a woman, he fears she may be offended if he does.

Stop the stereotypes: Our expectations are often governed by stereotypes, such as my expectations about my husband's cookie-baking skills. Often our expectations are also influenced by the notion that men and women should be equally good at everything. Based on that theory, today's men are expected to demonstrate a wide range of interpersonal and domestic skills no one would have dreamed of expecting a generation ago. At a neighborhood barbecue, one man mentioned his wife's irritation with him when he washed a good sweater with the bathroom towels. "Didn't your mother ever teach you how to do laundry?" she'd chided. "No," he replied, "I was under the car learning to change the oil with Dad during Mom's laundry lesson!"

Praise the positives: My husband, George, the pastor of our small rural church, loves visiting shut-in members of our congregation, and they love him. Recently, he accompanied one member to the emergency room. Later the gentleman's daughter called and told me how much his presence meant to her father. That evening I relayed the message to George and told him how much I admired his ability to minister Christ's love to our shut-ins. As my words brought tears to his eyes, I realized my acknowledgment of his strength had a powerful impact.

Celebrate success: Celebrating victories and accomplishments banishes bashing. The two simply cannot coexist. Recently I arrived home to find a completely wallpapered kitchen, complements of my husband. Although it was obviously a pleasant surprise, the fact that it had remained half-done for four years was ample bashing ammunition. But I celebrated instead. George beamed as I gushed with sincere appreciation.

Temptations haven't disappeared since my conviction to overcome my male bashing habit. I still frequent lunchrooms and women's retreats, and men are still men. Recently, my new resolve was tested. The morning after my husband had committed an offensive relationship blunder, I caught myself rehearsing the most humorous way to tell my female coworkers about it as I drove to work. Aware of slipping down the slope to sin, I reluctantly began to pray for him instead. As I did, I found my heart warming toward him rather than burning with irritation. By the time I arrived at work and hung my coat, the desire to turn his faux pas into a demeaning charade was gone. And by noon I'd committed a humorous blunder of my own. So I still got to be the life of the lunchroom—only this time, the joke was on me!

Ida Rose Heckard is a school psychologist who lives with her husband and three children in Pennsylvania.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

UK Marriage rates lowest since 1895

Some statistics to warm your soul.
  • The proportion of men and women getting married is below any level found since figures were first kept nearly 150 years ago.
  • One in four single women under retirement age is thought to be living unmarried with a partner.
  • In 2006, fewer than ten in every 1,000 single adults in England and Wales were married.
  • The number of weddings held in 2006 was the smallest since 1895 - the year Oscar Wilde was sent to Reading jail and when the population was little more than half (30 million) its present level (54 million).
  • One reason for the plunge in marriage numbers appears to be the crackdown on sham ceremonies undertaken by immigration authorities in 2005.
  • But the tax and benefit system also came under most fervent attack. Advantages for married couples have gradually been withdrawn, joint taxation-ended in the 1980s and Gordon Brown withdrew the last tax break for couples, the Married Couples Allowance, shortly after Labour came to power in 1997. Benefits such as tax credits now favour individuals living with children rather than couples and the bias against couples is thought to have contributed to the growing numbers "living apart together".
  • Labour family policy has for a decade maintained that all kinds of families are equally valuable and ministers have campaigned for all references to marriage to be removed from state documents.
  • Government had "fuelled family breakdown" and researcher Patricia Morgan, who coined the phrase "marriage lite" to describe cohabitation, said Labour had succeeded in "eradicating" marriage. But it is a disaster for children, families and society.""Stable families are the best formula for bringing up children and preventing delinquency, anti-social behaviour and crime. So a failed family policy is itself a major cause of crime.
  • "Labour family policy has for a decade maintained that all kinds of families are equally valuable and ministers have campaigned for all references to marriage to be removed from state documents.
  • The Tories promised they would provide incentives for couples to get and stay together.
Another reason the marriage rate continues to drop is that men are terrified of divorce, and know that the only way to protect themselves is to stay single. So until divorce laws becomes less a loosing proposition marriage rates will continue to plummet even further.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Barbara KAY hits it out of the park - again!

I love this women - and what prose!

Barbara has reviewed Jamie GLAZOV's new book "United in Hate: The left's Romance with Tyranny and Terror."

GLASOV has attempted to explain how leftists become so enamoured with totalitarian regimes like Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot. He refers to the condition as the "Believers Paradox".

The Believer begins with an acute sense of alienation from his own society. He yearns for "redemption" and so does not seek truth but submission to a movement "where no individuality exists and therefore human estrangement is impossible". The price of acceptance for such a "cultural orphan" is amputation of residual emotional ties to his own society. [Editor: Does this not recall the teen social outcasts that became the Columbine Duo?] Once inducted, losing membership is unthinkable - so they stop thinking. Logical and moral contradictions dissappear. Utopian ideololgy takes over. Suffocation of free speech, arbitary imprisonment, gulags, and so on becomes acceptable.

GLASOV has a special perspectve on this as his parents were "real" Russian Dissidents who actually risked their lives by telling even 1 truth. When the arrived in America after the wall fell, they were shocked to discover pseudo-intellectuals with all the freedoms they had lacked demonizing their own society! In special critiques, he reserves contempt for Islamist Feminists, Israel-hating Jews (aka "Useful Jihidiots") and others.

I can hardly wait until I can get around to read it. Here are some excerpts.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Dziekanski Inquiry - distance from farce to stupidity gets shorter

The disaster that has been the Dziekanski Inquiry got even worse for the RCMP - if that can be imagined - when Cpl. Dale Carr, the senior, lead spokesman for the Integrated Homicide Investigation Team in B.C admitted during his cross-examination that he provided "misinformation" to his subordinate, Sgt. Pierre Lemaitre who conducted a media briefing 2 days after the death of Mr. Dziekanski.

Despite realizing that there had been errors he decided to hold off correcting the false details of Dziekanski incident on the basis that it might compromise the investigation. This is a easy kneejerk reaction as most often it is correct - except not in the circumstances surrounding Dziekanski's death. Carr was then asked if NOT CORRECTING the clear mischaracterizations and errors after he saw the video would have also affected public opinion of what really occurred and the investigation - and after a lengthy pause - he agreed it would have. By this I understood him to mean that he had only just then, on the witness stand, considered and comprehended that by mis-stating the facts as he did, all he suceeded in doing was to re-inforce negative public opinion that the RCMP had something to hide because they knew they were negligent. It is shocking relalation that this enlightening moment arrived too late.

Yesterday, Lemaitre said that his personal reputation suffered because he was the public face of the first police accounts of the incident. Carr also admitted that he did not listen closely to what Lemaitre said. The two had agreed at the outset the best strategy was to get timely and accurate information out to the media without compromising the investigation. [Editor: Which sounds like a sensible idea until one realizes in the course of this inquiry that these clowns despite supposed professional training, have lost the ability to "filter" information in a useful manner.] "Very commonly, we never talk about all our evidence that we have gathered. We just don't do that."

This testimony comes after weeks of embarrassments about how the RCMP officers responded, contradicted themselves when shown vital video evidence and how senior officers have stonewalled any responsibility for how they have mishandled every aspect of the incident - from taser training protocols, procedures, inflated and misrepresented Dziekanski actions - in order to exonerate themselves and "spin" the media.

This inquiry is an absolute disgrace to the RCMP and yet it appears NO ONE in the force has the balls to admit they screwed up. It is also very telling that they fail to understand the fatal damage they are sustaining in public support. This indicates the expectation gap is unbridgeable.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Vellacott releases poll on ESP (Equal Shared Parenting)

Hon. Maurice Vellacott MP (Saskatoon-Wanuskewin) has released the results of new poll on Equal Shared Parenting (see below). The level of support is high, but I fear only because most people think it is common sense and believe that it represents the intent of current legislation. In other words, it is misinformed consent.

I think a major task ahead is that we all must work at identifying the various abuses of current legislation and how they have hurt familes and children. I do not know if there is enough resistance to this change but I do think the "status quo" has a vested interest in ensuring current legislation remain untouched. This poll should not make us complacent about what opposition we may face. To the ramparts!

For Immediate Release
April 16, 2009

OTTAWA – Member of Parliament Maurice Vellacott
(Saskatoon-Wanuskewin) today announced the results of a new poll on Equal Parenting after divorce.

"The results indicate that four out of five Canadians (80 percent) continue to support equal shared parenting after divorce with almost no difference by gender, region, age group, or party affiliation," said Maurice Vellacott. “This poll was commissioned in conjunction with the work I've been doing to advance Equal Parenting through Private Member's Motions and Bills,” Vellacott added.

The results are nearly identical to a survey conducted in 2007, and are part of a long term trend indicating continuing high levels of support for equal parenting.

Conducted by Nanos Research during March, 2009, the question asked survey participants was: “Do you strongly support, somewhat support, somewhat oppose or strongly oppose federal and provincial legislation to create a presumption of equal parenting in child custody cases?" The statistical margin of accuracy is 3%, 19 times out of 20.

Last year Vellacott tabled Private Members Motion M-483 on Equal Parenting to gauge parliamentary support and received 17 Conservative and Liberal seconders to his motion.

"The response I received to this motion has encouraged me to proceed with the poll and the drafting of a Private Member’s Bill in this session with a view to garnering all-party support for Equal Parenting, Vellacott said.

Poll results indicate that supporters of all Parties in the House of Commons are united in their support for Equal Parenting, ranging from a low of 76 percent for NDP voters to a high of 83 percent for the Bloc.

Recalling the popular support for the 1998 “For the Sake of the Children” report, Mr. Vellacott noted that there has historically been broad political support across party lines. Canadians have long called for this; and countries such as Australia, Belgium, Sweden, Denmark, and many US states have proceeded along these lines.

Mr. Vellacott has been working with members of the extended divorce community to develop amendments to the Divorce Act. "The divorce community are the real experts in this field as they have first-hand experience with the strengths and weaknesses of the current legislation," he said. “The proposed amendments won’t solve all problems, but they will certainly address a major point of contention in divorce," he advised.

Equal Parenting calls for continuation of parental rights, and obligations with joint legal responsibility and joint physical custody, with the presumption that equal parenting time is the best interest of the child.

– 30 –

For further comment, call (613) 992-1966 or (613) 297-2249

Suite 610, Justice Bldg.
House of Commons
Ottawa, ON K1A 0A6
Tel (613) 992-1899
Fax (613)
Unit 3,
844-51st St. East
Saskatoon, SK S7K 5C7
Tel (306) 975-4725
Toll free
(888) 844-8886
Fax (306) 975-4728

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Mens Titanic Society

The Men's Titanic Society actually exists. It is a testament to the sacrifice of men in what was the greatest modern maritime tragedy of all time. Over 1500 passengers lost their lives when the Titanic1 sank early in morning of April 15, 1912.

(Image courtesy

I first read about this eccentric society at AngryHarry, as he had found a reference to a tribute of the memory of the men of the Titanic. It was engraved from "the Women of America". The memorial was located in Washington DC, at a seldom-visited site on the Washington Channel near old Fort McNair and was erected in 1931. The Society was founded in 1985 and an account of it was in The Washington Post.

He was right in striving to correct the impression NOT given by the popular 1997 movie "Titanic" (starring Kate WINSLET and Leonard DiCAPRIO) - that women and children were given priority for the few life boats and many of them managed to survive the catastrophe. Men from all classes died disproportionately.

  • The overall death toll was 9 men for every 1 woman.
  • By percentage, third class women did far better than first class men.
  • 1300 men - passengers and crew - perished.

The main point - is that men throughout history have sacrificed themselves for their women and children - in war and peace - it's what we do. It is to some degree hard-wired into our DNA. I find it interesting that "modern feminism" today chooses to demean those whose "selfless service" is deemed unusual. Evidence for this unavailable, but the disparaging innuendo remains.

I have found accounts from Edwardian era "suffragettes" (early forerunners of Feminism in the UK who lobbied very hard to achieve the right to vote. Emma PANKHURST was a well known Trans-Atlantic member) who held similar poor views of men as far back as 1889 when she helped form the Women's Franchise League with prominent American suffragette Elizabeth Cady STANTON. To a large extent this misandric bias was also supported by many men - as it is today - and with this generous support brought the suffragists their enfranchisement (and soon after, Prohibition).

1) The White Star Line's Titanic was the largest luxury ocean liner in the world at the time. It foundered after hitting an iceberg in the North Atlantic 400 miles east of Halifax at 23:40 on April 14, 1912. It only took 2h40m to sink and in a grievous act of hubris, the ship did not have enough lifeboats to accommodate all passengers and crew. There were only 16 lifeboats capable of holding 1,178 whereas the fully loaded complement of crew and passengers was 3,547 in total. Of the 2,222 passengers and crew on board, 705 were saved (57 children, 316 women and 332 men). More than 1,500 passengers and crew - mostly men due to the "women and children first" protocol - went down with the ship after a relatively orderly evacuation.

The Titanic took 10 years to plan and build. It was four city blocks long and 11 stories high on its maiden voyage from Southampton, England to New York City. At 0410h the RMS Carpathia
arrived on the scene and began to rescue survivors. By 0830h she had picked up the last lifeboat and then set sail for New York.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Police pursue fugitives on Facebook?

Despite being an avid advocate of technology - this made me pause. First off, it was only a few months ago that I suggested to some "Parentally Alienated" Dads in our group that they try FACEBOOK to get stay in touch with their kids! (Given that it is the way they keep in touch with their world.)

Police pursue fugitives on Facebook - Cops make use of social websites. by Victoria HANDYSIDES - Metro News Edmonton, April 7, 2009

"With more than 1,000 summons and subopoena's for citizens who prove untraceable, EPS is using FaceBook to prove few are untraceable."

What is it with Edmonton Police Services (EPS) that makes them jump on to the "bleeding edge" of technololgy so often, so readily and with such constitutional abandon? Have they no shame or are they just exploiting the public's fear of not accomodating "Law and Order" and falling headlong into a unprecedented crime wave?

For example in the past few years we have been treated to the EPS gaining national aclaim and attention by spearheading: 1) ICE - International Child Exploitation Centre, that has been credited with a number of massive international dragnets of Child Porn users. 2) EPS Hate Crime Unit - that was recently "unmasked (to the shocked public at least) as major participants in highly questionable "web chat entrapment" cases being pursued by the Canadian Human Rights Commission (CHRC). 3) Team ZEBRA also a special Child Abuse investigation group (ok, that one IS a good idea). 4) and now THIS 5) FACEBOOK Entrapment!

Of course, any means necessary is the legitimate rally cry for any "law enforcemment" Officer.
I just hope Officer Kelly RYAN is the ONLY branch of Justice embarking on such tenuous incursions on our consitutional rights and freedoms.

Pride goeth before the fall?

Given the economic downturn, I found this article in the NY Times very interesting. It discusses the purpose and benefits of the emotion "pride". Men are well aware of the emotion - and what the lack of it means - often experienced if only privately in the emotional tumult of divorce. It is worth reading but here is the "closer":
Pride, in short, begets perseverance. All of which may explain why, when the repo man is at the door, people so often remind themselves that they still have theirs, and that it’s worth something. Because they do, and because it is.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Women who can think straight!

Some of the remarkable shows at PAJAMA TV.

1) Dr. Helen & Amy Alkon: Obama's Council on Women & Girls?

2) Sharia & Jihad: April 2, 2009 interview with Nonie DARWISH

Very uplifting women - a breath of fresh air after O.

Here are their blog links: Dr. Helen, Nonie DARWISH & Arabs for Israel

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Second chances?

Recently, issues that provide insights in the "demise of marriage" have come across my screen and I felt that these topics need to be addressed.

1) Married, With ADHD: Relationships Suffer Under Stress of Raising Child With Disorder, Study Finds - Washington Post, March 03, 2009
While 12.6 percent of the parents of children without ADHD were divorced by the time the children were 8 years old, the figure was 22.7 percent for parents of kids with ADHD. Couples with ADHD kids also tended to reach the point of divorce or separation faster.

"We have known for a long time that kids can be stressful for their parents. What we show is they can be really stressful and can lead to marital dissatisfaction and divorce," said Pelham, who works at the State University of New York at Buffalo."
Well isn't this unPC? Hardly surprising of course but common sense pronouncements such as this are often resisted if not ignored until proven by a "scientific study" (which btw I am not even sure the above referenced report is - as I have not studied it, I just depended upon the above article - which could be very dangerous!)

However I would add another point - what if these problems were not "of your own making" (so to speak) but are with the children of your second "blended family" (as they are so delicately called these days). That means the step-kids.

Then you are looking at a very complex interaction with additional overlays of dynamics to deal with - the ex-husband, his behaviour to your parenting of his children (full or part-time) as well as host of other issues related to your "spouse" and her relationship to the ex. Then - of course - there is the dynamic's of the relationship with your ex and your own child and parenting styles/standards.

This takes alot of intestinal fortitude. I know because I attempted it - and failed. All I can say is that it is no wonder 2nd family's have a higehr fail rate.

2) Marriage: a failing institution by Marc H. Rudov, Men's News Daily - 27 March 2009
Why else would men illogically get married despite knowing that wives bring 70% of divorces and get child custody and alimony in 90% of cases?

Marriage is a failing institution. For the first time in US history, across all ethnic groups, the majority of women are unmarried and 40% of babies are born to unwed mothers. The judicial reason is quite simple: women know that, most of the time, they'll beat men in matters of alimony, child custody, and child support.

Rewarding failure is self-fulfilling.

Compounding the judicial factor is a specific societal shift: anything-goes America now celebrates unwed mothers. When unwed teen Jamie Lee Spears (Britney's sister) became pregnant, her picture appeared on the cover of People magazine. On Oscar Night of 2009, Barbara Walters asked actress Anne Hathaway about marriage. The 26-year-old Hathaway selfishly expressed a desire to become a mom but not a wife. This narcissistic attitude is now the rule, not the exception.

When I was a lad, the dream of every girl was to get married and every man to "settle down" to become a family man with a career. In fact, it was common for any man with a girlfriend to get matrimonial pressure, from friends and family, with this gem: When are you going to make an honest woman of her? The implication being that she was dishonest in having sex until he saved her through marriage.

Marriage is important for the stability of society and for the healthy raising of children, but now tends to be a failing institution that brings more pain than stability. For proof, look at the familial dysfunction around you — in homes, schools, TV shows, movies, the Internet, shopping malls, and family courts.

You can't have it both ways — even though Anne Hathaway, like many women today, thinks she can. Single people shouldn't have children. Children aren't puppies, acquired on a whim to mitigate loneliness or boost the ego.

Children need two married, loving parents raising them together. Singlehood is a life of many baskets, marriage a life of one — with both spouses weaving the same wicker.

There is no hybrid. Marriage requires a lifestyle change that most people, in all honesty, don't want — the all-in-one-basket lifestyle — and that's why it's failing.
Enough said.

3) Strong fathers, stable families best defence for society's ills. The Record (Western Australia) - 25 March 2009
Archbishop Barry Hickey re-emphasises the fundamental link between the state of marriage, fatherhood, and burgeoning social problems.

“Tougher laws and more prison sentences might have their place, but if we want to understand why our society has become so violent we must look at the state of marriage and family,” he said.

"In 1993, when there was great concern about crime, Dr Alan Tapper, of Edith Cowan University, published the facts and figures to support his statement, ‘family breakdown in the form of divorce and separation is the main cause of the crime wave’.

"In 1995, Australian studies with adequate samples have shown parental divorce to be a risk factor for a wide range of social and psychological problems in adolescence and adulthood, including poor academic achievement, low self-esteem, psychological distress, delinquency and recidivism, substance use and abuse, sexual precocity, adult criminal offending, depression and suicidal behaviour.’

A longitudinal study of 512 Australian children, published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Criminology in 1997, concluded: ‘The relationship between cohabitation and delinquency is beyond contention: children of cohabiting couples are more likely to be found among offenders (and recidivists) than children of married couples.

Parents have a unique relationship with one another and with their children. It is rightly said of married couples that the two become one.

“The second reason is that divorce too often results in the absence of the father from the family. This seriously impairs the ability of many children to grow into their own social relationships and ultimately their own successful marriages."

“A father’s shows love for his wife, the mother of his children, [and this] is fundamental to his children growing up with the secure knowledge that they, too, are lovable."

“It is vital that the [such displays provide] education of boys and young men should lead them to understand the importance of fidelity to their essential role in marriage
and family."

“Both young men and young women should be warned that cohabitation seriously effects their ability to establish lasting marriages.

4) Welsh concern over absent father stats - BBC March 2009
One in four children in Wales have no contact with their biological father, a children's charity suggests.

"The research indicates that for children growing up in Wales having a positive relationship with your father is just as important as having a positive relationship with your mother.

"We need to level the playing field and include fathers for the sake of all our children."

The statistics were based on 17,933 questionnaires collected from young people in Years 7 to 11 who attended schools in four local authority areas in Wales during the 2004-05 school year.

The sample included 3465 questionnaires completed by 15 year olds.

The Results:

- Children living with their father who feel close to him - 86%

- Children not living with their father who still feel close to him - 47%

- Boys who feel close to their father - 79%

- Girls who feel close to their father - 69%

- 15-year-olds who have tried cannabis - 28%

- 15-year-olds close to their father who had tried cannabis - 24%

- 15-year-olds not close to their father who had tried cannabis - 39%

Source: Growing up with Dad, Catch 22
5) ACODS = Adult children of divorce. 'Dad was crying on one shoulder and mum on the other' The Guardian, 14 March 2009
"Take it on the chin, you're a grown-up."

People don't even have to speak the words for Craig Peters, 28, to know that's what they're thinking when he tells them his mum and dad are getting divorced. "If you're an adult when your parents split up, you're expected to take it in your stride, but I think it can be more damaging than when you're a child.

You start to question all your childhood memories.

You find your parents confiding in you and leaning on you in a way that they wouldn't have when you were a child. And I've had guilt to contend with too - my parents say they only stayed together all those years because of me.

For Craig, the sense of loss was overwhelming.

"I've been surprised by how upset I've been, because at 28 you would assume you'd be past it and because I know that the divorce is the right thing for my parents. But it feels as though it's not just they who are separating, but us as a family.

All that togetherness that I've taken for granted for nearly three decades has disappeared. It's very upsetting.

"I looked at my parents' marriage idealistically. They seemed to get on well and I had a great childhood," says Russell Hawkins, 26. "When they split up 18 months ago, it's as as if my whole world suddenly had a big crack in it. I'm not saying it's easy, but if you're a child you adapt to things, whereas for 26 years I'd grown up with my parents' relationship as a constant and a rock. It's been a massive shock."

Paula Hall, counsellor and author of "How to Have a Healthy Divorce", says that by being forced to question what they thought was ideal, or at least constant, many Acods start questioning all sorts of other things they've taken for granted, including their own relationships. "It's that sense of: 'Oh my goodness, is nothing permanent?' And: 'If my childhood wasn't what I thought it was, what else should I question?' We need more research into this unexamined group."

Rachel Cox, 32, says her parents' divorce was devastating. "They lost their 'deity status', which is quite destabilising and makes you feel quite alone."

One day, when we were both grown-up, my sister discovered my mum was having an affair. She and I decided to give our mum a chance to tell our dad or we'd tell him ourselves, which is what we wound up doing. It got messy because she started trying to turn him against us, saying we were victimising her. When she opened up to us, she said the breakdown of the marriage wasn't about the affair, it was because she felt she'd had no real life, having given up a good job on marriage. Without me and my sister living at home, she started to feel more and more worthless."

Lee Borden, a lawyer and divorce mediator, finds that older people who go through divorce are often so desperate for help, reassurance and validation that they lose all sense of appropriate boundaries. Lee says that, all too often, he sees one spouse "moving quickly and shamelessly to line up allies among the adultchildren, telling them all the transgressions of the other parent throughout a lengthy marriage".

Laura also had to manage her children's anxieties about their grandparents' splitting up. "Explaining it was hard. My daughter said: 'Will you and Daddy get divorced, too, then?' We're this middle generation that has to deal with our own emotions and our children's."

But there are positives. Laura says that she has become close to her father for the first time: "Before, I never saw my dad without my mum, but since the split, he and I have spent time talking and getting to know each other. That's been really nice."

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Edmonton PA Awareness Day = CANCELLED

Unfortunately due to the lack of a venue and any volunteers, this Event - Parental Alienation Awareness Day on Sat April 25, 2009 - is CANCELLED. See here for more info.